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STORY 4

I want to remain anonymous as I would feel shame and judged, because my story isn’t one where I was diagnosed with a FFA or where I was a frightened teenager. I was a married 40 year old with school going children and a supportive husband. Our family was finished, I was back working to bring in extra money when I realized my period was a week late. The pregnancy test was positive and unlike previous times when I found out I was pregnant and so excited, this time I was devastated. I had come off the pill and had used condoms while we had been discussing my husband getting a vasectomy. We couldn’t afford a fifth child and my husband supported any decision I made but ultimately, he felt it was my choice. So, the next day I opened the golden pages and saw an ad for a place where it said they’d discuss your options with you. I rang to make an appointment after I asked my mother could she mind the children. I told the lady on the phone my story. She didn’t seem open to giving me information about traveling to the UK, so I told her my mind was made up. Then, a man was on the phone to me. He must have taken the phone from the woman. He was very aggressive, shouting at me “ Do I realize that women who go over to seek abortions end up screaming in pain and the nurses are left with those womens’ fingernail marks in their hands”. I was shocked and told him I had to go, I was in the middle of making dinner. He kept talking as I put down the phone. Now, I know this must seem ridiculous after that, a 40 year old woman should not have gone there the next day, but I needed travel information so I kept my appointment.

The place was in Dorset street. A blue facade, no name to it. I was met by a woman who told me to sit down. The place was quite shabby and as she bent down to turn on a super ser I remember noticing her black trousers were split. She made me do a pregnancy test and said she needed to ask me a few questions first. I told her my story and the medication I was on at the time. Then she asked me do I think my baby would feel any pain. I answered Well, I suppose the pro life movement would answer yes, but before I could say anymore she said “ well I’ve news for you, they do feel pain.” I told her I really know my own mind and want no more children. She then told me that because of the tablets I was on, if I had an abortion, I’d probably have bad depression afterwards. This I knew she was making up as she had never heard of the tablets when I mentioned them! I then had to watch a video of an abortion- the type I would have been made watch in secondary school. I came out of that place with no information, very upset and feeling I had no option but to continue with this pregnancy. The woman, on the other hand, seemed delighted she had changed my mind.

I went home stressed and upset. Every waking second, I could think of nothing else. I made an appointment with my G.P to organize my first hospital visit. When I saw her and realized this was an unplanned pregnancy, she told me I had options. I was so relieved she was actually willing to listen and I explained about my visit to the “ options” place in Dublin. She asked me it’s name and I always remember her saying to my reply that there was no name over it “ Of course there wasn’t”. She was so sympathetic and assured me that what I was told about women digging their nails into nurses hands was total rubbish, that most women like me only feel relief afterwards. She told me I should go to Marie Stopes in Dublin where they can talk to me beforehand. She then wrote a letter for the UK which wasn’t necessary but felt she wanted to. As she quickly wrote, she just kept saying how hypocritical this whole thing was. So, at the Marie Stopes clinic in Dublin, I was scanned and as I was under 6 weeks, they told me to wait until next week to fly to the UK. A female doctor from Italy was so understanding. She advised me to go to Manchester as the clinic there was small and personal. Also, as I had given birth already I would probably be better just getting a light anaesthetic where I’d recover quickly.

I booked my flights and myself and my husband flew early the next week to Manchester. When I walked in there was no one else waiting. I handed my letter to a nurse and she said You have a very understanding GP. Knowing I’d come from Ireland I suppose. I was brought into a room where the procedure was explained to me. The doctor assured me I’d feel nothing and many women fall asleep through it. And that’s what happened me. All I remember is a lovely nurse holding my hand and waking up again. My husband had been waiting outside and had said to me he would go out to buy a newspaper when I was brought in. I was lying in a comfy armchair before he came back into the clinic. The doctor came back out afterwards to chat to me, just like any procedure you’d have here and I was brought tea and toast and told to relax for as long as I needed. When leaving, we called a taxi and I remember the driver saying how are you feeling love? as I got in. I thought to myself what must these taxi drivers think seeing so many Irish having to travel over every day.

I will never forget the relief on the plane home which we were able to change as we were traveling back earlier than we anticipated. There was a weight lifted from my shoulders and I remember thinking “ I feel I can carry on now”. When I returned to my GP, she asked me how I was and I was able to smile and say “ I feel fine.” When she asked me “ well, did you hear girls screaming digging their nails into nurses hands”? I was able to say not at all. The clinic was comfy, the nurses were sympathetic and all I feel is relief. It’s such a shame the way we are made feel. It’s our secret. We tell no one make arrangements and do that lonely journey across the water.

As for that “options” place in Dorset street, it subsequently made the national news when a reporter went in undercover and found it was set up by the pro life movement.

Anonymous

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